Written by ClareWithTheHair


STUCK!….5 THINGS THAT KEEP THE VICTIM FROM MOVING ON….  I came across this post on Facebook and it made me think, where am I stuck? or am I stuck or is this just part of the healing process? But I have listed the 5 things below because one or all of them may ring true to you; For me I am on No2 and while I know he will never be honest I still hope one day a human side to him might show and he will do the right thing.
1. THE DESIRE FOR CLOSURE….there is no closure with a narcissist, ever, but it’s the natural human desire to have closure that keeps the victim stuck. The narcissist has manipulated and gaslighted the victim to the point that they have difficulty realizing that the N is sheer evil, and the victim wants some sort of understanding of why all this happened OTHER THAN THE REALITY OF THE N’S EVIL, but there is no other explanation. That’s a difficult conclusion to come to, so the victim often seeks out the narcissist for some non existent other explanation. However, the only closure with the narcissist is the realization that you will never hear the truth from the narcissist, but you can know the truth anyway, and the truth will set you free.
2. I WANT AN ADMISSION TO THE LIES AND CHEATING….when it becomes obvious to the victim that they were told lie after lie, including the lie that they would have a life together with the narcissist, and when they realize that the N was cheating all along while professing love for them, they naturally want the N to face the facts and admit the truth, which the N will never do. It doesn’t matter how many facts and how obvious the truth, the N will deny you this, because the N can never admit fallibility. However, the narcissist WILL admit to something if they feel it will hurt you even more…example, admitting to an on going affair as the relationship ends, because they think it will hurt you, and it often does.
3. I WANT AN APOLOGY…..of course, an apology would make sense IF the narcissist thought, sincerely, that they had done something wrong, but they don’t. The narcissist is NOT sorry for anything they did, and so will never apologize, at least not sincerely. You might see an “abusive apology”, that is, a fake apology followed by an excuse that blames you for what they did. This isn’t a true apology but rather, a form of abuse.
4. I WANT AN EXPLANATION…..that would be nice, except that the narcissist can’t even explain themselves to themselves. The only thing true is that they want what they want, when they want it, and have no moral values at all. An explanation has a certain underlying assumption, namely, that the N cares about right and wrong and that their behavior must make some kind of sense in some way, but it doesn’t. The explanation of the narcissist’s behavior will never come from the narcissist, because the truths are shocking….it’s about getting supply at all costs no matter how wrong, having power over you, control of you, and the enjoyment they got from abusing you. The N is never going to admit that. It’s up to you to learn all you can about narcissism and then, you can supply the explanation to yourself.
5. I WANT THE NARCISSIST TO UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH THEY HURT ME….this assumes the narcissist doesn’t know, but the narcissist DOES know, and enjoyed it the whole time, since abusing and hurting you makes them feel powerful. Sickening, right? Narcissist are guilty of abuse IN THE FIRST DEGREE, that is, the engage in willful, deliberate, and premeditated abuse, with malice aforethought. It’s likely that if you try to explain how much the N hurt you, the N will just laugh at you, or treat you with disdain.
How about you?
Are any of these 5 things keeping you stuck?

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