Open Letter to the “man” that claims to be a Dad

Written by ClareWithTheHair

Open Letter to the “man” that claims to be a Dad

The Definition of dad in the Oxford English dictionary is: “One’s father” but for me it is so much more hence today’s Open Letter to the “man” that claims to be a Dad . 

I see a dad as someone you can always call on through good times and bad, from birth up until the day one of you leave this earth, there should be no compromise on this what so ever.

To me a dad is the one man in a child’s life that should never let them down, the child should look up to this dad in awe and aspire to be just as good as them someday.

In my mind a dad is someone who loves you unconditionally and even when you are a teen throwing tantrums this dad does not take it personally and they are there to get you through the hard years.

Dad should be there to pick you up when you fall, he should protect you and he should never allow a bad word to be said about you.

Your dad should be your hero in every aspect of everything.


With this in mind I have an Open Letter to the “man” that claims to be a Dad to my wonderful daughter Danielle.

Her dad walked away from her 8 months ago and in this time he has not once asked how she is, not one time has he said how are you Danielle? How are you coping with the change in family life?

He has made wild accusations to Tusla (social services) about her care but has not once asked her to visit him.

His own dad has claimed I am stopping him from seeing Danielle, this is simply untrue.

So today I write this Open Letter to the “man” that claims to be a Dad . 

From the 7th month of my pregnancy you showed signs of the “man” that you are today, but I ignored it as I wanted the family, I wanted Danielle to have mum and dad and the extended family that came with that. Little by little over the years you became more and more angry, you behaved in the most appalling way towards your child, you made comments about her weight, you made digs at her personality and you seemed to be in some kind of competition with her.

You have called her a liar for speaking about the abuse that you subjected her to. You have walked past her and blanked her, you have told her that when your sister intimidates her and bullies her that it is her own fault. You have told so many lies about her in order to cover up who you are and when she has tried to talk to you it has ended with you shouting more abuse at her.

You call yourself Dad but really do you think your actions are that of a dad?

In my mind a dad never behaves how you have for a moment yet you have abandoned your child for the last 8 months while claiming to be Dad of the year.

You didn’t phone on Christmas day, you didn’t buy a card on her birthday, you didn’t send a good luck message when she begun her junior cert exams, you do not support in any way whatsoever yet you label yourself a dad!

And the one time she attempted to visit back in January 18, you, your sister and your parents told her she was never allowed to come home to me, that if she did none of you would ever have anything to do with her again. She had to wait for the house to go quiet and climb out a window in the dark, in the rain and run down the darkest country road away from ye. The punishment for wanting to come home to me has been severe, your sister, your father and your sister in law have all attempted to bully and intimidate her, you have ignored all messages from her, you have her blocked on Facebook and on messanger, you have blocked all forms of communication with Danielle but you still label yourself as Dad.

Is this how you define being a dad?

In addition to calling yourself a Dad, you claim to be loyal, honest and a good man but the life you subjected your daughter to and the manner in which you continue to abuse your daughter would say you are none of those things but one thing that you are is a good sales person but in my eyes you are not a dad.

Yes you did a number of weeks ago send a few facebook messages to say you wanted to spend time with your daughter, this lasted a few minutes on one evening, but it gave you “proof” that you were trying. In 8 months that is pretty lame.

You make a mockery of all the men being dragged through the courts begging for access to their children, you make men who walk away look bad, you give those who refuse access to dad’s the perfect excuses.

I think you labeling yourself as a dad is a joke and I think if any mum behaved how you have then she would be the talk of the land for years to come.

To be called a dad, to title yourself a dad you have to actively be a dad, saying that you are means nothing when you do what you are doing.

Open Letter to the “man” that claims to be a Dad

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