So as many of you long time followers will know, I was (technically am) married but almost two years ago this ended. Today I want to give you an update with this article Tears From My Bedroom Floor.
I have called this piece Tears From My Bedroom Floor because after years or manipulation, physical abuse, mental abuse, sexual abuse and having lies told about me, it took this day a little over 2 years ago to wake up and see what my husband had been doing to me and it was here in tears on my bedroom floor, thinking I need to end my life that everything changed.
Over the last year I have said nothing, I have given no updates and I had hoped that my ex might do right by our daughter but sadly this is not the case. He continues to lie, he has blocked all contact with out daughter, he has walked passed her in the street and just looks through her as he passes.
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Today I am here to say, yes he is absolutely without question a terrible dad, he claims the title of dad but when you go 12 plus months without as much as a text to your own flesh and blood, I am not sure you should use that title. However today I will say that while ending my marriage was incredibly hard, it was the best thing I could ever have done for my girls and I. We are a small team of three but we are one hell of a tough team and the love and respect we have for one another is just so special.
Over the last year I have been into the family courts so many times, 7 times in the past 4 months alone and while so many think this is for my ex to gain access to our daughter I can tell you this is not the case, he has never and would never be denied access, he was awarded court access but he declined to take it.
We have been in court 7 times in 4 months simply to try and get him to financially support our daughter and he has used every excuse and delay tactic to avoid paying a cent.
It is 2 weeks today to the start of a new school year, our daughter is beginning leaving cert cycle, for those who have been through this, you know this is the most expensive school year. yet he refuses to pay a cent towards this cost. He arrives into court telling lie after lie to delay and avoid having to support his own daughter, yet has paid €1,000 in solicitor fees to do this. What kind of man who calls himself a father would spend so much money in an attempt to avoid financially supporting his daughter?
In these two years the only contact our daughter has with my ex husbands family is with those who are separated from their partners. His parents have not once called to see how she is, his sister intimidates our daughter and talks absolute bs about her, this same woman has spent years coming into my home to talk about her partner and what a joke of a man he is, how useless he is with money, how she knows that she is settling for his and then went away an married him!
His brothers have never asked how she is, asked to see her etc they have had no contact what so ever. There wives are the same with the exception of one who sent a handful of message last Christmas saying that she could not wait for her to spend time with her new nephew, then held the christian and excluded my daughter, the only cousin not invited. Seems crazy that they would behave so poorly towards her.
Today I am not on my bedroom floor, I am not in tears and I am no longer my ex husbands victim.
Yes: I have a long way to go in relation to a formal separation but that is what it is, I have to just get on an go through it.
I speak to ladies all the time who are living the abusive hell that my girls and I lived and I really just want to let you know that you can recover, I would say I am still recovering, I lived his hell for years and I am ok with taking time to heel and recover. Just know you are stronger than you think and there is so much support for when you do find the strength to leave.
To this day my ex lies about me, I have been reported to the guards, tusla, the school, he has even phoned my dentist to complain about me but I don’t care anymore. It is very clear to see what kind of man he is with how he treats his daughter.
He has rushed into a relationship, a foreign girl with no family here, was in Dublin with friends but he moved her 200km away from them, obviously lies about our daughter to excuse never seeing her, but keeps our daughter away to avoid her exposing his craziness and this poor young girl is alone, English is not her 1st language and he will have a field day twisting her words, saying he has not said things he has and setting her up to live the hell we did. I feel sorry for her but I know how great a liar he is, so there is no point even trying to tell her what his like, she will have to discover this herself but if she ever feels like shes going crazy, or she is some day on her bedroom floor in tears with no where to go, I will always offer an ear and my shoulder because I know someday she will need this and I know non of this is her doing, she is simply falling for a con man who is promising her the world but it is all lies.
Some times I think, is my ex like this because his parents are not very loving, but no, he is a grown man, he had a 14 year old daughter and he simply walked away from her, he has no contact with her and actually calls her a liar, says he did not abuse her, so it is him who must take responsibility for this treatment of our daughter, no one else. But I do feel sorry for him, imagine having a child and being unable to love that child, he is a psychopath that is why he can walk about with his held held high after all he has done and all he continues to do but I still feel sorry for him.
So there you go a brief snapshot of the last 12 months. I am no longer on my bedroom floor in tears, I no longer want to end my life and I am feeling very good about the future.
Tears from my bedroom floor