Understanding The lies your Abusive Ex will tell about you

Written by ClareWithTheHair

Understanding The lies your Abusive Ex will tell about you

It is very hard to just take the non stop lies that your ex will tell about you, they are beyond cruel, they are horrible and they will tell them to absolutely anyone that will listen and some people may even fall for these lies but Understanding The lies your Abusive Ex will tell about you helps you to move on and not react to this continued form of abuse.

When you have been subjected to an abusive partner then they will have told lies about you for a very long time, they will have had you on a pedastool one moment while talking very poorly to others behind your back, this creates the environment that if one day you wake up to their abuse they will have the foundations that you are this evil horrible nasty individual set and it will make their lies believable and discredit anything you say as you being crazy, or damaged, or just a plain liar. After all behind your back he has told people this for possibly years.

Your abusive ex will use any wrongs of your past as an excuse for you now speaking out, they will say things like “sure she said this about x, y z” or “history is repeating itself” or “they were always damaged and I wanted to save them” etc etc etc


Understanding The lies your Abusive Ex will tell about you makes recovering from their hell that little bit easier but from time to time they go so far you react to their abuse, for example after almost 10  months my daughter attempted for the 50th + time to speak to her “dad”, this has become practically impossible as he had her blocked from making any contact via phone, text, social and she did not even know where her lived but she did know where he worked so after weeks of being shut out she phoned his work and he replied to this was “everyone knows what you are like baby girl so don’t bother ringing here again and he hung up” she phoned back and a lady answered his mobile to say “(his name) can not take your call during work times so please do not call again” and hung up. So obviously lies were told about my daughter for this woman to speak to her like this because anyone with the truth would never have answered his phone and spoken to his child in such a way.

As a Guardian what are your Rights and Responsibilities

She phoned back in the evening only to be called everything, a liar, she was being abused by me, and so on, it was not a nice call, and she just kept saying, why can’t you tell the truth, say sorry and move on, but for some reason he felt the need to continue shouting at her and talking over her.

I then reacted and he wound me up and then said “Annette can you hear this” “is this woman normal” Trying to defend me child and ask her “dad” to do the right thing gave him the opening to call me names, tell me I am a liar etc etc until I am shouting saying “just be the man you proclaim to be and do right by your daughter”

If I went back to Understanding The lies your Abusive Ex will tell about you then I would never of fallen for this calculated stunt on his part.


So why doe he lie?

I think he lies because telling the truth would make him pretty unpopular.

I think he lies because telling the truth would unveil his “I am a good man mask”.

I think he lies because it is all he knows.

I think he lies because honesty would be too painful.

My ex has told lie after lie and when I ask him, name one lie your child or I have told about the abuse you subjected us to, he just shouts or resorts to manipulation, he will never answer the question.

So what has he lied about?

Everything! literally everything.

He said he was controlled

He said that I am crazy (very typical title an abusive person places on their partner)

He twists the run of events on so many things

He deny’s punching holes in walls

He cheated and still lies

He gave extravagant gifts to women I did not even know existed

He told his child he was only abusive because of living with me and when he left he’d be a better dad

He told people he took out loans to make me happy

He told people I left him in financial distress

He told people I am a liar

He told people his daughter was lying

He told people so many lies and continues to do so.

Not one word that I have spoken over the last 6 weeks is a lie, I have stayed silent for months and his abuse had me silenced for years but I can’t be silenced anymore.


The Journey to Escaping your Abuser

How he treated this family was wrong, how he treated his daughter was wrong and right now he should own up to this, say sorry to his child and start being this “good man” he proclaims he is to her, she deserves that.

Understanding The lies your Abusive Ex will tell about you, he is in survival mode, he has made it clear that he isn’t allowed a relationship with his child, his parents and siblings will not allow it, they have labelled her as “dangerous” and have said if you see your daughter we will have nothing to do with you.

You ex has to lie because he can never let people (outside the home) see the real him.

I remember reading messages from a woman on my ex’s phone saying “she felt sorry for him putting up with me”, we were married about 18 months at this stage I think, and she said “I can’t believe you have to endure your wife for the next few days” (this was in relation to the first time I made it to the UK blog awards in London, the pictures show a man beaming with life, he still using some of the pictures for his dating profiles) but he had this woman told that I was this horrible nasty, wife whom had made him miserable, yet on weekends away with the lads he say people we know and he was saying how great I was. At this stage I was in real post wedding honeymoon mode and felt we were working on building a life together, however these messages had been going on for 6 months before I knew about them, He spoke about a lot of people he worked with but he never mentioned her name, he even got her a TV and I knew nothing about this. He has always lied with such ease but now claims his honest.

There is nothing honest about my ex and I have accepted he will lie, I have accepted he will twist everything I say and do because the truth is he treated this family in the most awful way and him admitting that will never happen.

Open Letter to the “man” that claims to be a Dad

However as clear as I see him for what he is now I still reacted to his latest stunt in the most stupid way, I got angry and upset that he was talking so badly to our daughter.

By Understanding The lies your Abusive Ex will tell about you and reminding yourself if these, this will help you to not react to their wind up’s, it is all a stunt to paint a poor picture of you, no one will see the non stop picking but they will see your reaction and he will use this against you over and over again, no good will come out of reacting, he will not be the “man” he proclaims and he will never do right.

He is a liar, he is an abusive father, he is an abusive husband and he will never do the right thing.

When your abusive ex tried to manipulate you into reacting, phone a friend, go for a walk, read, use any distraction method that works for you but whatever you do, do not react to his bait, you are healing, you are recovering and you are not equipped to handle someone this abusive.


Connect with me on

Instagram – Clare with the Hair

Facebook – Clare with the Hair 

Snapchat – Bloggerclarewth

Twitter – @Clarewiththeha

Understanding The lies your Abusive Ex will tell about you

About the author



Leave a Comment

%d bloggers like this: