What have you done for me?

Written by ClareWithTheHair

What have you done for me?

Following on from my previous posts regarding the “man” who subjected my children and I to years of abuse, I wish to share a telephone conversation that this “man” had with his 15 year old daughter today where he asked What have you done for me?

So let me explain the context of this call and I guess the hoops Danielle had to jump through to even get as far as a call with this “man” (her dad) He has her blocked from phoning him, he has her blocked on any social channels and he has her emails marked as spam and for the last number of months she has had no address in which she could even write him a letter but today for some reason she felt enough was enough and she phoned his office, fair enough I guess considering he has avoided and ignored her since October (baring the odd message pretending to want to see her to only create such drama it would not happen)


Open Letter to the “man” that claims to be a Dad

Anyhow Danielle phoned the office today and said “Hi Dad it is me Danielle” the call from the offset on her dad’s side was guarded, sharp, abrupt and just a coldness that you should never get from a Dad to his only daughter. Danielle asked did he want to see her at all and he replied of coarse I do, great start right? well almost instantly it turned, she said I have a disco on Friday and a friends Birthday on Saturday, mum is going to drop me and collect me from the Disco and I am wondering would you like to drop me to the Birthday and collect me and maybe get some food on the way home. Now in my mind this was a pretty civil and normal request considering he has made her contacting him close to impossible, but it would seem in his mind it was wrong, his reply was “Don’t you phone me out of the blue demanding I do things for you” and she said “but what have I asked you to do since October? what have you done for me?” and he replied What have you done for me baby girl?, and again she replied “I have continued to phone you, I wished you a happy birthday, I gave you gifts at Christmas and I have tried to spend time with you, at which point he spoke over her and said she was not going to phone him out of the blue demanding from him. He said he would not be used by her and he hung up.

Do you warn the new women in your abusive husbands life?

At 15 what should she have done for him?

I am actually confused by his reaction, it seems odd that a dad that has done nothing since October 2017 for his daughter would question what his child has done for him.


I am not sure why this man remains so angry, or why he continues to battle in this way. Someone normal would talk to me and create an environment in which we can co parent in order to have the best result for our child, but it would seem anger and rage is still the number one priority in this “man” life.

He uses lies to justify this behavior, he makes outrageous claims, he say’s things like I have been advised to stay away, so I can’t come to see you, utter crazy stuff.

Behind the Social Media Filters

The door is open, the phone is on, he is welcome to have a relationship at anytime with his Daughter but he is not free to question her and say What have you done for me?

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Twitter – @Clarewiththehai


What have you done for me?

About the author



  • I am sorry, but even as a daughter of a broken relationship with a father who left with no trace, I consider this a very bitter post.

    It seems rushed and very one sided. Not to mention the fact of airing the dirty laundry in public.

    In my opinion this is not the best way to use a platform such as yours and I will be unfollowing as a result.

    You cannot defamate people in public regardless of the situation

    • I am happy you have chosen to unfollow me Kerry , I am an abuse survivor and I am telling my story in a series of posts, I appreciate you dislike my writing style, It is not that of a journalist but that of a victim who writes as she speaks, I have not defamed anyone, I have spoken only the truth (that can be backed up by texts, emails, witnesses etc) I have not named anyone or added any images of my abuser, so I am confused by “You cannot defamate people in public regardless of the situation” You have your opinion and that is absolutely fine, however after years of abuse and being silenced by fear I find great comfort in telling my story now. “airing the dirty laundry in public.” would you say this to any other survivor? rape maybe? a vicious attack? a mugging? why is my abuse something labelled as “dirty Laundry”? Thank you for taken the time to leave me a comment.

  • Clare I personally think you should stop writing about your personal life, i no your xhusband has done wrong in so many levels but for your daughters life and future mental health its best to leave it in the past and start a new, by writing,it stirs it all up and everyone no her business. I cant imagine how shit it is to be treated like that by your dad, but having the world no it makes it even harder and longer to heel, im sure she doesn’t mind now but in years to come when she looks back she may think very differently.i hope you get what im trying to say, im not been nasty, just concerned (damage control) friendly advice

    • Hi Alison, I appreciate your comment, however my daughter has done nothing wrong, I have done nothing wrong and I feel sharing how awful the way in which her “dad” treated and continues to treat her is a good thing, she knows this is him and the many messages we get from others who are living or have lived similar reminds her how much this is him and not her, sharing our story of abuse is something I began doing a few weeks ago, however it is something I stayed silent about for years, he is out of the house almost 10 months and he has continued to abuse his position as a “dad” and it is only now I am talking, the messages both my daughter and I get from people 1 year, 10 years and so on out the other side reminds us how strong we are and how we can move on and recover too, without sharing our story we would never have these stories and this hope shared with us, so while I see your point of view, staying silent is not something I can do, and who knows someone might get out of their abusive relationship sooner due to reading my story, by talking we help each other, by being silent we only protect the abusers

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